Is individuality genetic or learnt?

Recently on ITV there was a programme (Four of a kind) about identical all girl quads. As a parents of twins girls (non-identical) it was emotional to observe some of the pleasures and pains we have been through, but multiplied by 2 again! What really fascinated me was that the Mother brought up her four daughters, now aged five, exactly the same. They wore the same, ate the same, did the same activities. Each one was treated equally and as they had not gone to nursery each one had the same experiences and interacted with the same people. At one point in the programme the Mother went to the USA where she met another set of all girl identical quads and their mother the difference being they were now lippy loud 18 year olds. She spoke with each one separately and asked how they felt about being one of a quad and all four said they wanted to be recognised for their differences not their similarities. They clearly had a hunger for independence from their siblings and wanted to express their individuality. Back home she then asked her five year olds whether they felt the same or different to each other and by large even at that age they wanted to be different. The end of the programme was on their 5th birthday when they were allowed to choose their own dresses and each one chose different colours and designs. It was very touching and you could see how happy they were to pick their own identity.

So are we born with individualistic tendencies or is it something we develop? Well these quads are genetically identical so it would suggest the 2nd option? This makes sense to me, that when part of a group you strive to differentiate yourself, to stand out. That's not the same for all people. Often, and even in this programme people are happy to let others take the limelight but does that mean they are not individuals or are they just different? When I think how one of our daughters might declare "I don't want stripy trousers I want the one with a butterfly on", or "I want Eeyore panties not Winnie the Pooh", our typical response is to say this is what you are wearing stop arguing. Yet what if this is a very early stage of being an individual and rather than supress it should it be encouraged. On one side it is creating a world of hell where a 3 year old rules the roost saying what they will or won't wear. On the other are you planting the seeds to help develop a child into an independent individual with confidence to make their own choices?

It is hard to argue that being independent is not a good thing but what about being an individual? Does being different make you happier, more confident, more employable, more interesting? I don't know. I've met many people in my life who make such big efforts to appear individual, displaying their unique tastes and interest in an almost arrogant "I don't care what you think" way. It always leaves me feeling that they are not someone I want to hang around with. Perhaps that's because I don't see myself as individualistic, I quite like being part of the crowd and not standing out. Or perhaps it is because these extremes are not really people being different but more they are trying not to be the same.

Bringing up children is scary when you consider how small changes in our behaviour can have big effects in the people they become. There are so many opinions in what the right thing to do for every situation and much of it is not based on any formal theory. My view is to try and achieve a balance where they are given opportunity to express their choices, and are listened to and noticed when they do. But also not to force independence on them, they should find this on their own through more experiences than we can even begin to imagine. Whatever the outcome it will be fascinating to see how different or similar our girls end up.